Falling into that fucking “I should have done _” is the absolute worst and I feel so heavy and my head is going to break open I wanted to like you so fucking bad I want to be swallowed up.
It’s just, I, haha, put so much faith in you finding me important. I found you so important. I almost let myself like you. I feel like my chest is collapsing and tightening all at the same time.
I am literally noiz (except yanno I feel massive amounts of pain all the time but I play it off cause I’m a cool guy)
It’s getting cold and I’m only happy because I’ll be able to cover up my body without feeling weird. I’ll always feel weird. But at least I won’t have to look at myself too much. I wish I liked myself a lot again. I wish I was as obsessed with myself as I make it out to be. Dammit all. I make myself gag lol. Self pity is so disgusting but I’ve been living in it and I wish I liked the taste of alcohol so I could be drunk out of my mind. I need weed. And I think I’m becoming too dependent on painkillers haha this is just. Nice.
ppl who constantly radiate bad vibes are so exhausting like how are you always so that way